I stay up because sleeping is accepting defeat one more time.

There's a gray curtain I can't find a way to open

and it's making me heavy and itch when I breathe.

How do I show you everything I mean without telling you first

so that I don't scare you too much?

I stop the cycle before it starts and I'm imagining shadows

and there's no real end to this knotted clump of string,

but picking at it feels better than just holding the heft of it in my pocket or palm.

Stop. stop stop find a better path. nice better well good. It's too much difficult

my head is cotton you're too much to handle I don't want to go here let me go

stop you're hurting me no I don't mean it yes of course what do you mean

when I say I want many different things from you I don't have any right asking for.

I'm too tired to sleep.